im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
