I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
