It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
