It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
