Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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