i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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