i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
