apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
