Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
