He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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