need another drink. this is the easiest way
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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