and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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