I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
