i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
