I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
