so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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