That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
