Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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