I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
