do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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