i can't believe i had my finger in that
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
