she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I faked an abortion last night.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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