Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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