I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
