it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
