I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
