dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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