I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
