My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
