My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
