And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't deserve a penis
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
