I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
