Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
