You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wear drunk well.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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