eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize