I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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