She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Buhtt sex?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
