mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
