All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
