Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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