And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
