Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize