when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
