somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
