Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
