You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
