idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
