We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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