they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize