at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
