I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
