My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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