i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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