So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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