sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
