she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
