I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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