He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
