if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
