i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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