Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
