Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize