My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
