He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
