man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
there is glitter all over my balls
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
