Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
