Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i think my cat just said my name.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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