I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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